Leaping Car

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Bad Doctor!

A man goes to the hosital because he is having pains in his stomach. He tells the doc what is wrong and the doc says "You have constipation, you will need to take one of these suppository's every 6 hours for a week. I can help you with the first one." So, reluctantly, the man drops his pants, bends over, and the doc shoves it in.
Later, at home, he is having a little trouble inserting the next one, so he asks his wife for help. He tells her what to do, drops his pants and bends over. She then puts one hand on his shoulder and starts pushing it in. "Damn!" the guy screams, "What? Did I hurt you?" his wife replies. "No," said the man "But I just realized something...the doctor put 2 hands on my shoulders!!!"

Laptop Booth

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Things Not To Say

Things not to say to a naked woman
1. Cool, I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon.
2. How many storage boxes can you fit in there?
3. You must be very experienced.
4. Remember, you said this was a freebie…right?
5. Wait let me get a board and a rope so I don’t fall in.
6. I gotta take off my watch, wouldn’t want to lose it
7. Why do you wear a bra when you’ve already got a belt?
8. Would you mind rolling around in this flour?
9. I heard carpenters dream about you.
10. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
11. Look…I can get my whole arm in.
12. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents
13. Is that an optical illusion?
14. If I look right at it I feel like I’m falling in
15. Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
16. Do you mind if I wear one too…in case yours falls off?
17. Jeez…what ya got up there dead fish?
18. I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
19. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
20. I’ve been wondering all night what that smell was.
21. Maybe if I get really wasted I won’t mind your body.
22. You know they have surgery to fix that.
23. Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
24. Oh, that’s why they call it the wonderbra, it makes those lines go away.
25. Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
26. I expect a good time; at least, the bathroom wall said so.
27. You’re not as ugly, as people claim, not quite anyway.
28. You’re not that fat.
29. I see why everyone said, with you, it’s better with the lights out.
30. Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.

Kilt Peep

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Polish Construction Worker

Three construction workers were down town working on a high-rise. A black guy, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Come lunch time, the three sit down together on a beam and open their lunchboxes. The black guy opens his box and finds chicken wings and grits. "Man, I hate this crap. I've been eating this stuff since I was a kid."
The Mexican opens his box and finds burritos and rice. "Me too man. I've had to eat this shit since I was little too."
The Polish guy opens his box and finds a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. I've been eating this stuff for way too long."

A week later, the three workers were up on the 30th floor. Come lucnch time, the three sit down together on the beam and open thier lunchboxes. The black guy opens his, and sure enough, chicken wings and grits. "Son of a bitch. I swear, if I get this crap one more time, I'm jumping."
The Mexican opens his box, and there it is, burritos and rice. "Me too man. I'm sick of this crap. If I get this crap again, I'm jumping too."
The Polish guy opens his box, and sure enough, a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. If I get another one of these damn sandwiches, I'm jumping with you two."

A week passes, and the three are working on the 50th floor. Lunch time comes, and the three sit down together. The black guy opens his box, sees the chicken wings and grits. Standing up, he says goodbye to his friends and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his box, and sure enough, burritos and rice. Saying goodbye to his friend, he too, jumps to his death.
The Polish guy opens his box, sees the PB&J sandwich, and jumps to his death as well.
A few days later at the funeral, the wives of the three workers were standing around and condoling each other. "I just don't get." the black guy's wife said. "He never told me he didn't like chicken wings or grits."
"I know," the Mexican's wife said. "He never told me about the burritos or rice. I would have gladly made him something else."
As the two talked, they noticed that the Polish guy's wife was still crying her eyes out. "There, there, dear. It'll be alright." they said to her.
"I-I just don't understand it," she cried. "I mean, each day he made his own damn lunch."

Keep Right

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Too Many Questions

This guy met a woman at a bar and she took him home to have sex. Afterwards when he is getting dressed, he sees a picture of some guy on her dresser.
He asks her who the picture is of and she replies, "Don't worry about it."
He then says, "Well is that your husband?"
She says that it is not.
"Well, is that your boyfriend?"
Again she says no.
The guy then says, "Well then, who the hell is it?"
She replies, "It was me before my operation."

Jumping Truck

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Safety Competition

A san diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. "what are you going to do with the money? "the officer asked.

"i guess i"ll go to driving school and get my license, " the man answered.

"don't listen to him," said the woman in the passanger seat. "he's a smart alect when he is drunk."

This woke up the man in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, "i knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

Then there was a knock from the trunk, and a voice asked in spanish, "are we over the border yet?"