Unplugged Mouse

==========
Ugly

Nellie, shopping at her local supermarket, selects a quart of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a quart of orange juice.

A drunk standing behind her, watches as she places the items in front of the cashier.

He says to her..."you must be single."

The woman, startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her four items on the belt.

Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her items, she says..."well, you're correct, but how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk staggers as he puts his beer in front of the same cashier and says..."cause you're ugly!"

Sleepy Hunter

==========
Soldier Ride

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

Royal Flush Plumber

==========
Poison

With Sam dying, his wife Carol was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.

She held his fragile hand praying and crying, this roused him from his slumber.

He looked up and his pale lips said..."my darling Carol."

"Hush, my love"...she said... "rest, don't talk."

In his tired voice..."I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess"...replied the weeping Carol...
"everything is all right, just go to sleep."

"No"...he struggles..."I must die in peace, I have something to tell you Carol...I cheated on you!"

"I know"...Carol whispered as she softly stroked his forehead...
"just let the poison do it's job."

Next Flasher

==========
Why Are You Leaving?

A man comes home to find his wife packing her suitcase.

He says "Honey, what are you doing".

She says, "I'm leaving you, I want a divorce."

The husband says, "But why, what's wrong?"

The wife says, "I just found out that you are a pedophile"

The husband says, "Whoa, that's an awful big word for a 10-year old."

Jet Surfing

==========
I Am Canadian

In a train car there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady.

After several minutes of the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

1) The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."

2) The fat lady thought - "That dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him."

3) The American thought - "That f*cking Canadian put his hands on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."

4) The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again."