Bike Fence

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Martha Vs. Real Women


Martha Stewart Vs. Real Women:

sent in by Cousin Gene

MARTHA STEWART

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up.

REAL WOMEN

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
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MARTHA STEWART
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
REAL WOMEN
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
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MARTHA STEWART
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

REAL WOMEN
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
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MARTHA STEWART
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
REAL WOMEN
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for
up to a year.
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MARTHA STEWART
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
REAL WOMEN
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
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MARTHA STEWART
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
REAL WOMEN
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.
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MARTHA STEWART
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
REAL WOMEN
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
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And finally the most important tip -
MARTHA STEWART
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
REAL WOMEN
Leftover wine??

Baby Burger

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Bad Martha Tips

Bad Tips from Martha Stewart:

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected.)

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost nstantly removed.