Poor Child

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Luck

Sadie's husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.

One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?"

"What Dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck."

Monkey Cleaner

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One Good Reason

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

Leaned Car

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Wall Of Clocks

Once this girl named Mary died in a car crash and went up to heaven.

When she got there, there was an angel there.

Mary was dumbfounded when she turned around and saw a whole bunch of clocks.

Mary asked the angel why were there clocks on the wall. The angel said "Oh the clocks are for all the people that died and the clocks calculate all the sins that person made in his or hers lifetime.

So Mary asked where was Abraham Lincoln's? The angel said "Oh it's that one over there, the clock went only 2 times to the right cause he only sined 2 times."

"Where's Mother Teresa's?" Mary asked "Well that one is on your left, since she didn't sin, The clocked never moved."

"So where's Bill Clinton's clock?" Mary questioned. "Um...I think that one is in Jesus's Workshop. Because I mean ever since the Monica incident, the clock went haywire!"

Lazy Line Drawers

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Top 10 Drugged Cartoons

10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?

9. Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? What is it, her personality? NOT!

8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.

7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?

6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side? -- Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe. Sort of makes you wonder.

3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.

2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him.

1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode smokes pot, no if, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way him and his friends painted that van! Pretty rad design dude.